No Self Love- pricey!

What I have really noticed that I am dragging around is this notion of being alone, doing this alone. What I mean by that is that there is not another person HERE with me , going to the gym with me, encouraging me, and being a stand for me as I play the game of lifelong fitness. I am so mulish about acknowledging that I AM THE ONE. I am, in fact, the only one that really makes a difference for me. The question “Do you love yourself?’ came up at work. Everyone at the table said yes except me. I was really not present to loving myself in that moment. What I WAS present to was the impact of NOT loving myself. In that moment I was a victim, and others around me got to treat me like one.
That’s not who I am. I like to indulge in it once in a while, but I notice that the price for not loving myself is so damn high.
I have a promise for the world. Living inside it gives purpose to all that I do. By 2018, I promise a world in which all people are championed for the contribution that they are.
Inside that, I have a promise for WomenGoingDown. By 2018, I promise a world in which all women love and cherish themselves, and are championed for being the source of what is possible for humanity.

The grass is not greener, it's just on the other side of the fence.

This week has been zipping by, and I have the sense that my productivity has increased. I have not had the manicure that I said I would have by Wednesday, so I recommit to this weekend for a spa for my fingers. I have been eating LESS, and choosing better food. I notice that my husband has order more healthy food if I have ordered something healthy. I will continue to monitor that, as I will be delighted to be responsible for generating healthfulness around me.
It’s Thursday, so it’s a day I committed to work out. Looks like a mile walk is in my future tonight. Despite the fact that more and more and more circumstances present themselves, as if to challenge me, I remain calm. Within the calm, my productivity, and more gloriously, my inspiration have increased.

I Created a Fitness Team. Thanks for the Inspiration!

Queen- what magnificent posts! It is miraculous to observe what happens when we give our word. Rigor- I have taken it on, and here is what is showing up…. I promised that I would work out Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and I noticed that I was already thinking about it early in the week. I was actually delighting in what I was going to choose to do.

A big change this week is that I have looked, I mean really looked, at my body, naked, and I have accepted it. The shape is good, the layer of cellulite is probably not healthy, so I took that on as a target. I have avoided really looking at my body for a long time. I usually glance at it. Just like I glance at my face in the mirror. It was remarkable to be in the presence of myself.
Today is Thursday (the first promised day). Our car broke down last night in a city 3 hours away. My husband flew out to San Diego early this morning. I waited 3 ½ hours for the tow truck, and then tended to all that stuff. I thought about what I was and was not going to get done today as a result of the altered schedule, and did not spend ANY time thinking about how to get out of, or how was I possibly going to schedule exercise. I ended up doing things that I needed to complete FOR MYSELF, and spent a little bit of time on what others wanted. Those tasks were completed with remarkable velocity. So what about my fitness goals?

I got home after work, and the winds were blowing at about 45 mph- and COLD. This morning I had languished in the luxury of watching TV (we don’t have TV) while waiting for the tow truck (oh well- a little rock star life style is good for the ego), and I was stunned at the weather where most of WGD lives- SEVERE conditions. They’re still getting out there, so, I knew I could do it.
I have my own Fitness Team. And it is comprised of some of my favorite beings on the planet. Does life get any better? (Part of my intention for my well-being is to relax, and spend time with my horse. I got the ranch for him, after all.) I put on warm, warm clothes, went down to the barn, grabbed my horse Buddy (As seen on our web page), and took off at a brisk walk around the perimeter. We have lots of acres- and the distance around it (how fabulously convenient!) is almost exactly a mile. Buddy and I alternated jogging/walking every 1/8 mile. Well, soon enough, our mare, Sweetie, figured this must be important, so she followed us. Then Pedro, our rescue donkey (who is madly in love with Sweetie) thought it best to keep her in sight. Buddy loved it, and so is developed my fitness team!!!! (Kind of reminds me of “The Benchwarmers”, but hay. So, way more narrative than usual, and a tad of anthropomorphizing… This is what it looks like when I am happy and producing results.

The Truth

I have been so annoyed at my husband lately. He has made a few comments about the weight that we have gained, and about needing to get to the gym. I have been so insulted, as if to say, “How dare you even notice”! On top of it all, he asked how I was doing in WGD- if I were meeting my goals.

The truth is that I have gained 12 pounds in the last two years. It IS noticeable. The other truth is that I really just want to be a food and drinkaholic, and not be called on the carpet for it. I want to be able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. I also resist even entertaining the notion that my husband’s comments are intended to support my well-being!
I did go to the gym yesterday, and did dead lifts and squats, among other leg work. It felt great. So, I am recommitted. As it will require that I do EVERY day, to attending to my well-being through nutrition and exercise.