My collage this week is ugly and underdeveloped. That's my critical assessment. Funny how it seems to match my sense of accomplishment for WGD. I seem to be a little under the weather- something lowgrade, just enough to use as an excuse.
I just read Queen's post (Thursday 2/28), and boy do I get it. My collage is about exercise- it's hard, like I have to fight for my life, and people are watching- you know, like my husband. I just want a sliver of something sweet to make me feel good...Up off in unattainableland is hot, thin, sexy chick. What ever happened to her?I am really resentful that it's not effortless anymore, like it was when I was 25. Resentment doesn't generate much action, I've noticed.
And... I think it's a smokescreen at the moment.
Doesn't mean I won't come back to it. I will.Today I had a massage. It was lovely. First I found myself wondering, "Is she thinking about how much weight I've gained since the last time I was in? Is my muscle tone disgusting?" (etc., by the way, ad nauseum), then I focused on how much hair was on my upper legs and fantasized about it getting tangled in her spindly fingers. Not much attention to self-love. Then she got to my feet. I don't know much about reflexology, except that I have a chart, and know that it's been around long enough for lots of evidence to have been accumulated for its validity. Does it access emotions stored in spots in the body? She got to some spot, and I started to cry. I was thinking of my dad, who died four years ago, and whose birthday it will be on March 3. Although I cleaned up a lot before his death, yet there is so much incompletion- about my dad, for me, with my mom and brother. As far as I am concerned, this is evidence that the brain is truly like a computer, and my Outlook is open to the calendar function.
Something I dreamed (literally) not too long ago was about establishing a foundation in my father's honor to provide health benefits, particularly dialysis, to Veterans and their families who need it. My dad invented dialysis, and was researching until very shortly before his death. He LIVED FOR and was ENLIVENED BY the betterment of the lives of others, and was devastaed by the fact that dialysis was not a cure.I've made promises and commitments to get this off the ground, and if I truly have the intention to honor my father, I will call everyone I can by his birthday. Perhaps they are all on the edge of their seats, waiting for an invitation to participate.Odd post for a group focused on well-being? No- this is about what I really live for
p.s. I said I would look at acknowledgement this week in my last post. I have. I have enjoyed acknowledging others every day, for whatever they have contributed to me or others. It really does reflect right back on me, and gives me my life. When I am related to others as a contribution, it creates a particularly glorious world in which to live. Try it.
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